Home Community Chat Transcripts-9/24/2001

Sex, Intimacy & Arthritis with Dr Susan Hoch.
(Due to the subject matter, names have been removed)

InsightHostKJ> Tonight's topic is Sex, Intimacy & Arthritis. I thought we'd try this as a roundtable instead of a formal chat, but if it gets too rowdy we'll have to change it

prmises to be good 

You're the boss, KJ. 

InsightHostKJ> Sooo...sex.....and arthritis...good or bad? 

sex is always good arthritis makes it challanging 

sex - good; arthritis - bad! 

InsightHostKJ> this is true! what challenges do you face? 

my problem is more fibro then arthritis but there are times that just being touched is painful 

InsightHostKJ> Dr Susan...any remedies for days like that? 

Karl has leanred not to be offened thought at firstit was very hard for him/us 

DrSusan> I was wondering whether she finds massage makes her fibro better or worse. worse usually 

InsightHostKJ> hot baths? 

they help 

DrSusan> Isn't that interesting? fibro patients seem to split down the middle - some benefitting from things like massage, TENS, acupuncture and others not. 

and yes he has taken part in that smiles, give us a certain amount of intimacy 

Dr Susan they are still playing with me as far as diagnoses goes 

InsightHostKJ> hot bath, pain pill and candles...best foreplay! 

DrSusan> So you need a whirlpool or spa in your bedroom. 

InsightHostKJ> Ok//what are some other problems people face? speak up folks 

DrSusan> The pain pill thing is something that many patients don;t think about and docs don't think to ask about. 

I'd love a jucuzzi in my party room! 

my hip going out at just the wrong time 

DrSusan> You can take an extra pain pill before and you may find it helpful. 

i find the pain medicaiton klinda numbs things 

being tired and not wanting it as much as I used to 

normally puts me to sleep Dr lol fatigue! that works for me 

DR Susan if i can stay awake! 

DrSusan> In terms of fatigue, there is the time of day question. 

InsightHostKJ> lol! but i am always tired! 

me too, KJ 

make that 3 of us 

having sex with our disease, I think is more of an outlet for pain. 

DrSusan> Me too and I don't have arthritis. 

InsightHostKJ> I agree...orgasms are great painkillers 

how do you get your partner to understand you are not going to break? 

i just hope i dont get in in my jaw! 

Finding a comfortable position that is pleasurable but doesn't hurt 

InsightHostKJ> i have that problem ....he wont touch me..might hurt me 

They do make u forget what we live with, at least for a bit. 

Isn't there a release of endorphins that helps pain...sorry to be clinical... 

since i have been going to the doctors and all of these tests he treats me like a china doll and it drives me nuts 

InsightHostKJ> OK..whats the best position for everyone? 

InsightHostKJ> dont be shy! 

on all fours (blush) 

depends 

All positions are good 

InsightHostKJ> same here (all fours)....easiest on my hips i think 

my problem is often I can only orgasm on top but that hurts my hands and wrists 

Geez!!!!! I am not old enough to hear this chat.....lol 

all fours in a hot shower 

we both got RA so its hillarious here 

InsightHostKJ> an u do that without leaning forward on your hands? 

or leaning on the bed 

InsightHostKJ> Dr Susan..any suggestions for positions? 

InsightHostKJ> or leaning your hands on stacks of pillows 

swinging from a rope from the roof is good!!! 

a nice spanking first distracts you from the other pain WEG 

DrSusan> - how about sitting on his lap with your hands around him. You are not leaning on your hands and wrists but you are still on top. 

spoons is good 

I'm going out and buy a rope. Giggles. 

LOLropes are fun too 

I find if I actually put my wrist guards on it does help some 

you can get the harnesses now days, they attach to the support beams in the roof, they are very pratical 

has found laying face up on the bed but kinda ummm butt over the edge works too 

and you can get around 100 positions with no joint stress 

lol where is the energy for it? 

you are kinda on top but there is no pressure 

InsightHostKJ where does one find one of these harnesses? 

at a tack shop 

Dr susan..what about positions when its the male that has arthritis? 

in a sex shop is the best place, I found it too painfull in any position, so we invested in one and it has made a fantastic difference 

KJ adult stores do have the harnesses that are like a sling 

biggest problem is his damaged hands and foreplay 

only problem is if you get carried away you can swing in circles and get way to dizzy lol 

Well, generally my partner on top is the most comfortable 

DrSusan> Oral sex solves the hand foreplay problem. 

there are also vibrators for male and female they help too 

we found that and a lubricant 

but i miss his fingers sooooooo much the toys dont find the g spot....lol 

InsightHostKJ> oh but they can 

toys are fun but the hands always, I think, are always the best stimulators 

you just have to find the right toy i have a whole stack of them that find the right spot lol , toys CAN find the g spot

they make vibrators that fit onto the hands so that the hands dont have to work so hard

InsightHostKJ> i just saw one that attached to the finger

well where the heck would ya ffind all those toys? 

i have seen glove like ones too 

DrSusan> KJ, it sounds like you ought to have some new links on the Web Site. 

I just find the warmth of a mans hands more exciting than a toy 

at an adult store or on line 

InsightHostKJ> they are coming friday Dr Susan 

but with sex i have found the only way ( other than swinging in the breeze) is on my side but its very impersonal then 

InsightHostKJ> as a matter of fact i just visited an adult store last week..researching for this topic of course 

I have found the best help and relaxation for me is to take an Ambien beforehand 

toys can outlast a man for sure but i had rather have the warmth and excitement than the length of foreplay, if u know what i mean

I have personal preference in my store... vip customer 

lol man, oh, man - KJ just turned her toy collection into a business expense....LOL...

we have 2 kids, so it is not like we are going all night long! 

how many of us can go all night long 

Karl was having trouble because of his high blood pressutre medication during that time we spent a lot of time snuggling more then actually haviong intercourse 

InsightHostKJ> Dr Susan...is a glass of wine okay with a pain pill? 

InsightHostKJ> to get us in the mood 

DrSusan> I guess it depends. If you are on methotrexate, certainly not. 

then i bought him a riding crop 

If I took an ambien b4 sex, my god, i would be laid out and not remember anything...lol 

so absolutely no alcohol at all with methotrexate? 

DrSusan> Not recommended. 

one glass i'm anyones .. 2 glasses i'm emergancys lol 

SEX I deffinately want to remember...lmao 

you know what bothers me more then anything else is that i find now sex has to be planned more then spontaious anymore 

DrSusan> But you have to find what works - muscle relaxants like Flexeril, pain meds like Percocet or Darvocet or Ultram. 

spontanious is the best kind...lol 

doesnt happen for me any more we have to plan it 

there is nothing wrong with planning 

InsightHostKJ> I still dont know how to convince him its okay to touch me....we do not have sex unless i initiate it 

then where is the pleasure? 

DrSusan> I think many people with busy lives end up planning sex in between work, the kids, the bills, the lawn, the laundry etc. You have to try to find some time - maybe on vacation, or even get a baby sitter and go to a hotel in town. 

sometimes that builds excitement 

how do you plan when you don't know how you'll be feeling?? 

it is an all day indeveor if i feel good in the morning the planning begins 

I don't have very strong meds, trilisate, plaquenil and prednisone as needed so sometimes I hurt so bad nothing helps 

yeh KJ mine is like that, when i say something he's like well i dont know where to touch and if i happen to flinch he gets upset that he's hurt me and backs right off 

if i still feel good later the sex happens if not then it doesnt

and like KJ said only when i start it other wise he wont touch me he is afiad of hurting me 

I think talking about sex with your partner and what you can do to each other, a form of foreplay, can spark a spontanious experience at times 

we laugh a lot at the positions we get into 

so its not really planned 

as soon as i move funny or breath funny he stops and it is not always at a good time for me LOL 

by the way, who is Dr Susan? 

well sex is a little more spontanious now we have the swing...if he walks in the room and i'm swinging around he knows he's in luck 

lol i just found me a new man -- he doesn't even know about the pain associated with the RA yet so there's no hesitation so far. 

InsightHostKJ> Dr Susan Hoch is a wonderful rheumatologist 

InsightHostKJ> lucky you tra! maybe i oughta try that! 

DrSusan> Thank you KJ, but frankly I'm learning things here. Going to buy a swing tomorrow. 

LOL shame on you KJ... 

I think another problem some of us have is that we are not comfortable with our bodies.

The swing intrigues me too. 

lol they are great Dr susan lol 

I just want the catalogue, 

all the weight from the prednisone you are right! 

i am comfortable with my body it is just that my body isnt always comfortable with me lol 

Well, I'm not comfortable with mine 

DrSusan> Why not? 

me either 

KJ if you check out the bondage sites you will get all kinds of pictures of all kinds of swings 

I avoid the mirror at all costs 

ooooh swings are GREAT *snicker* what, cuz I am the biggest slut you know? *grin* (and I use that word as a compliment meaning a woman who revels in her sexuality) 

yes 

Dr Susan, what do u think about cosmetic surgery on people with RA? 

I've never heard of that, cosmetic surgery for RA 

breast reductions and tummy tucks 

DrSusan> I am generally pretty conservative. I've had a number of patients who have gotten breast implants, and a couple who were on Prednisone had problems with healing. I thought you meant just for RA patients specific operations to help them 

DrSusan> I think you do better learning to love yourselves. And all bodies change as we age anyway. 

InsightHostKJ> would lipo work for those pred fat rolls? 

as we didnt have enough pain who would want to have costmetic surgery 

if you want to give up some of your boobs, I'll take them! 

Dr. Susan, i am scheduled for a breast reduction and tummy tuck. Are there any other dangers I should be aware of besides the slow healing? 

DrSusan> It probably would but you would get them back if you were back on Pred. does the prednisone weight gain ever level out or stop? 

InsightHostKJ> could we have our cheeks sucked out? 

all boob donations greatfully recived here 

lmao u can sure have them lol 

I tell ya what, anyone who wants more boobs can have some of my stomach fat! how much ya need? 

DrSusan> I would be concerned about infection if you are on prednisone or methotrexate or other immunosuppressives. 

kj oral helps firm cheeks...lol 

Well, I'm afraid I'm like Popeye. I yam what I yam. lol 

can Remicade slow healing also? 

cant tell the difference between my shoulder blades or boobs, if my head did a 180 you'd never know the difference 

lmao has a big butt and is proud of it and great for the spankings 

DrSusan> Not clear. But most people on Remicade are also on Methotrexate. 

This is something I have wanted for a while. I'm going to have it done so I guess I can expect a slow healing process? 

DrSusan> Possibly if you are on Pred or other meds. 

Won't antibiotics help with that though? 

DrSusan> Surgery is a potential stressor. 

just feel that when I get happy with my body, I'll be happy with the sex part. 

won't antibiotics and immunosupressives just work against one another 

DrSusan> Antibiotics don't help with healing per se. They treat infection. I understand, but also be aware the surgery may not chnage how you feel 

InsightHostKJ> i dont think i'd have elective surgery while on dmards 

Me either I agree KJ 

DrSusan> Immunosuppressives hold back the immune system making you potentially more prone to have an infection. 

sometimes there are other reasons we are not happy with ourselves 

Personally, I think it will with me. Weight gain has been a very big factor with me because I did not use to be heavy 

a sex question?? what can you use is the drugs your on make you very dry and the lubricant only seems to work for a little bit, then becomes painful again? 

D<b>rSusan> Astroglide!!! 

nods astrglide is wonderful 

DrSusan> Evoxac if you have secondary Sjogren's. 

InsightHostKJ> A lot pf people who answered our survery suggested a brand called WET , 

if you are NOT using condoms use a lube meant for anal sex. They are more greasy and last longer 

I think if you feel comfortable -loved- in a relationship best way to make you feel comfortable with bod and sex. A romantic at heart 

DrSusan> There's that old standby KY or maybe we should call it KJ.

InsightHostKJ> LMAO KJ Jelly...I like it! 

Where do u get these lubricants? I have never seen them? 

if you do use condoms, yo ucan try switching to the non-latex ones (poly something or other) and use the anal lube too 

Ky and astroglide are at any drug store look in feminine aisle 

astroglide works great tried KY jelly, seems to almost like absorb into the system, have to reapply continusously 

DrSusan> And depending on your age, there may be a component of estrogen deficiency as well. 

likes motion lotion 

motion lotion? 

InsightHostKJ> tasty too! 

and its flavored too 

baby oil not great, it is not water soluble 

astroglide almost sounds like a plane...lmao 

any suggestions for heartburn caused by the pred 

InsightHostKJ> prevacid 

small frequent meals, no spicy 

DrSusan> Don't eat right before sex. Try prevacid or Prilosec. 

Protonix is the best 

hve me on something called nexium 

InsightHostKJ> gotta have cheesecake before sex 

DrSusan> Nexium is supposed to be the next generation Prilosec. 

try having it with sex KJ, much more fun!!! LMAO, KJ!! 

DrSusan> What about chocolate? 

sex and cheesecake gets my vote 

InsightHostKJ> Yummm! chocolate cheese cake and sex...heaven! 

thats good too Dr Susan..... just dont use banana's.... squishy lmao 

ew 

InsightHostKJ> ewwwwwww 

dont kock it if ya havent treid it 

InsightHostKJ> LMAO 

wow, I'm really getting some sex education tonight!! 

LOL vegies are ok, just make sure there are no straight out of the fridge ( frostbite!!!!!!) 

all i gotta say is stay away from the peanut butter and no you dont get details sorry, 

off subject question for Dr Susan. is there really a concern for breathing problems with remicade? 

DrSusan> There is a concern for infection with Remicade as well as reactivation of tuberculosis. You should have a chest xray and PPD test before starting. 

swings are great 

lmao likes blind folds too 

already on it, 3 infusions so far 

DrSusan> How's it going? 

last one Weds, horrible bronchitis severe asthma attack Thurs so someone with asthma should stay away from remicade? 

anyone who has never tried a swing and wants to try before you buy, look to see if there is a kink-friendly bed & breakfast in your town (usually in the gay district) They will often have one you can use. If they have a dungeon, all the better, as you can try different types of beds, benches, swings, etc 

DrSusan> Not necessarily - I wonder if she is having an allergic reaction to the Remicade. 

I get bronchitis everytime weather changes, how do I know if it is remicade or not?

DrSusan> Remember Remicade is partially made of a mouse protein. There is another similar drug in clincial trial that is probably less allergic. 

it is the only thing that has helped any, I hate to give it up, but I have to breathe also 

do you have fur lined hand cuffs too? lol. 

problem is I just broke up with my boyfriend, So wont be going to anywhere like that for awhile. We'll see what happens 

the fur lined ones are good , have you tried the ones that have the gel overlay, much more comfy 

no i havent but ill keep an eye out for them 

InsightHostKJ> OMG Gimpfest 2004...at Aim's favorite B & B LMAO!!!!!!! 

DrSusan> KJ, I think we have a business opportunity here - fur lined handcuffs for gimps that are compatible with wrist splints. 

we get a lot of stuff at the tack shop all lined 

InsightHostKJ> Wow Dr Susan...I like it! 

InsightHostKJ> I keep saying I am going to do leather splints 

how about wrist spints that ARE hand cuffs or set up to connect to leathers 

nah just put a buckle on the splints then you can just join the with a bit of chain lmao 

InsightHostKJ> Dr Susan...what shall we name this business? 

kj -- most kinds of suspension cuffs are essentially wrist splints with hooks :-)

BDSM for the disabled 

KJ, why don't you have a contest to name it and give a set away as the prize!!! 

DrSusan> I love it. 

land of the gimps 

gimppysexland 

anything like Candyland? 

If you need someone to test these things, let me know Roflmao, 

my dad just came in to see what I was doing read the screen shook his head, and left pretty quick 

DrSusan> I have a slogan - don't let arthritis tie you up. 

I think attitude has alot to do with sex and arthritis. You must be open minded and speak up with your needs and wants. 

my roomate just did the same thing! LOL! 

so like rough sex can still be fun 

doesnt time fly when your having fun

just pad the cuffs and the crops 

DrSusan> Actually that is the theme - don't let arthritis tie you up, don't let it cut you off from love or sex or intimacy. 

I've been married for 36 years. That makes it alot easier to discuss sex with my husband than I think it is for a single person or someone starting a new relationship

InsightHostKJ> I like it Dr Susan! 

true with or without RA thinks that being open is needed in any relationship no matter how long it has been i have always been that way 

how about Arthritis + Sex = Gimptimacy..... 

ROFLI agree. 

But it is not always to easy to have that first off 

InsightHostKJ> our official hour is up..but we can keep on the topic.... 

has it been an hour already? 

Being totally outnumbered here, I think I will run away and hide... 

Nite everyone. Make sure you all have fresh batteries. 

DrSusan> KJ, before I go, does any one have a burning general rheumatology, not sex, question.

how long does it take for arava to start working? 

DrSusan> Panda, Arava is faster than methotrexate - it may work in 3 weeks to 3 months. 

yes why does it take so long to diagnose RA? 

DrSusan> Mg, RA is a clinical diagnosis with specific criteria. Other diseases such as lupus may have arthritis similar to RA 

is it common with AS to have hands that literally will not move in the mornings? Or is it more likely I have something else going on? 

DrSusan> AS in women is often somewhat different than in men - it's harder to diagnose and you can certainly see hand involvement. Do you have psoriasis? I ask that because some patients with psoriasis will look all the world like RA patients. 

no psoriasis. Weirdly dry and scaly skin but officially NOT psoriasis :) 

DrSusan> Thanks folks. I learned some things tonight. I wish you all a goods night's sleep and less pain tomorrow.